For those of you who don’t know, I’m an amateur inventor. Amateur as in I haven’t really had an invention that’s taken off. My inventions range from ‘cool, but I don’t know how to get it to work’ to ‘ah crap, it’s already been invented’ to ‘Okay, this might work but how do i get the ball rolling’.

The Early Years

One of my earliest inventions was called a fun-o-meter. The fun-o-meter was a brainchild of myself and my high school youth pastor. Upon riding a roller coaster we both realized that riding a roller coaster is pretty darn exciting and fun, but like all roller coasters, the ride comes to an end and you have to get off. If you want that same fun, exciting experience you have to go to the end of the boring line and wait.

The Fun-O-Meter Prototype

Enter the fun-o-meter. You wear the fun-o-meter on your head and let’s say you’re about to do something really fun. Right before you do something fun you adjust your fun-o-meter to ‘save’ some of the fun you are about to have for later. The fun you have riding a roller coaster will turn out to be not quite as fun as it would ordinarily be, but you have some ‘fun’ saved up for later when you’re working on a spreadsheet at the office or doing some other mundane task that might need a dose of ‘fun’ added to it. During those mundane tasks, just adjust your fun-o-meter from ‘save’ to ‘spend’ and you’re having some ‘fun’ with those spreadsheets.

We even had a prototype. The fun-o-meter prototype was an empty Wendy’s french fry holder with a rubber band stapled to it. Sadly, the fun-o-meter prototype didn’t function as intended and further development was grounded as we didn’t know quite how to proceed.

Recent Developments

The Interrobang

One of my more recent inventions was the quexclamation point.  The quexclamation point is a punctuation mark that serves as both a question mark and an exclamation point.  Such a great idea, right!?  I mean how many times do you find yourself exclaiming a question!?  Okay maybe I’m pressing it a bit, but still, I thought I was sitting on a good idea until one of my colleagues found out that the quexclamation point had been invented in 1962 and was actually called an interrobang.

Another invention: the butter gun.  Imagine a gun that functions like a hot glue gun, pouring warmed butter all over that hot, dry piece of toast.  Has it been invented yet?

Hang Ups

One major hang up for me is that I think I remember reading that it takes in the ballpark of $10,000 to patent something.  Which is $10,000 I don’t have.  Kind of a Catch 22 really.  I mean if I got a patent for the butter gun and sold them like hotcakes I’d have plenty of money for the patent, but I can’t get the money without the butter gun in hand.

So I need a third party to help fund the project.  Do I go to a bank for that?  I’m guessing with the economy the way it is they wouldn’t have time for the butter gun.  But what if I manage to get the funding?  As I think to myself now, I guess the next step would be to draw up a design and build a prototype.  Once I have a patent, a design, and a prototype the next step, i suppose, would be to mass produce and sell the product and here in lies one of my other hangups: I’m tired.

I think for me, the idea machine, the process of following through with an invention to mass production is kind of a downer.  I’m falling asleep just writing about it.  But maybe, if the right idea comes around, I might just have the motivation to see it through to the end, but alas another hang up: a lack of time.

Where will I find the time to devote to a brilliant idea while trying to meet the demands and responsibilities of the day?

Motivation

Scrooge McDuck Swimming in Wealth

My motivation for inventing I suspect is much like many inventors: money.  Not just money…lots of money is more to the point.  Many people have had the opportunity to bath in coin, but not me.  I’d like to see what it feels like to have my pupils morph into dollar signs just once.  I can make a snow angel with the best of them, but I’d like to empty out some money bags in the living room and give making dough angels a try.  Maybe if my motivation were something different I would be a better inventor?

Another motivation is just the satisfaction that comes when you see something new on TV or at the store and you think to yourself, “Cool, I invented that.”  This hasn’t happened yet, but I bet it’s a pretty nice feeling.

Latest Invention

I was making a peanut butter sandwich yesterday and came up with another invention…the sliced loaf of bread packaged without ends.  You know you do it…you flip the end slice to the side, in the bag and fumble to another inner slice of bread.  Have you ever had the end slice relegated to the side and have it drop to the bottom of the bag and had to dig down to the bottom to retrieve it?  Now imagine a world without fumbling.  Where you reach into the bag and grab a slice of bread with confidence and no fumbling.  Has it been invented yet?  Maybe I should return to the drawing board.